it’s a funny thing really.

i’m indian by birth and lived in the country for the first 11 years of my life and yet, every time i come to visit, india terrifies me more and more.

why?

i’m not sure if it’s the fact that i’m now an adult and have a different perspective on life, or if it’s the fact that i’m now more aware of the world as a whole and the things that happen in it.

it’s incredibly hard to put my finger on it - but i know it’s there.

this sense of unease, this feeling that something is wrong, that something is not right, that something is simply not safe.

i pat myself down 2-3 more times than usual when i step out of the airport to make sure i don’t have anything precious or expensive on me that could be stolen.

i double check if my taxi is taking the right route by having google maps open throughout the entire ride. (sometimes, if i’m extra anxious, i even go as far as sending photos of the taxi reg number to friends and family!)

i make sure to never talk too much to any stranger, which is very unlike me btw, because i’m the type to always be interested in others’ stories as there is always something new to learn.

it’s just so weird, isn’t it?

so tell me - as someone who no longer resides in your own home country, do you feel it too?